My Full Story | The Relationship Detective

My Story

™

The Birth of The Relationship Detective

The Family No One Saw

For years, I lived inside a family where appearances mattered more than truth.

To the outside world, everything looked fine.

Behind closed doors, there was rivalry, hostility, humiliation, devaluation, coercive control, gaslighting, cruelty - and at times, even violence.

The devastation wasn't just in the acts themselves. It was in the way they were carried out: covert tactics, emotional sleight of hand, and a relentless pull into their version of reality - but never close enough to belong.

If you've ever felt that disorienting pull, you'll know what I mean.

Trying to hold onto your own truth while someone else rewrites it in front of you. The more you explain, justify, or defend yourself, the more the ground shifts.

Projection. Deflection. Blame.

If one tactic fails, another takes its place.

One day you're attacked. The next, they act like nothing happened. Sometimes they even offer kindness - just long enough to confuse you.

A compliment. A gift. A sudden moment of "niceness" that makes you wonder: *Maybe they're not so bad. Maybe if I just try harder…

But the kindness never lasts. And somehow, it always ends up being your fault.

The Question That Wouldn't Leave Me

How could the people who were supposed to love me be the same people tearing me down?

That question kept me hooked for decades - hoping there was something good left in them. I was the scapegoat. Triangulated within a system that thrived on blame. I tried to fix it. To bring everyone together. To create the kind of family I saw at my friends' houses.

What I didn't realise was that I was sacrificing myself to people who had no capacity for reciprocity.

It took me years to see that my empathy wasn't a weakness. It was being *weaponised* against me.

That's the trauma bond - and that's why leaving took decades, not days.

Music As My Lifeline

At 10 years old, I was a neurodivergent child trying to decode a world

designed to confuse me.

I taught myself piano and guitar.

Locked in my bedroom, heart racing, the guitar and piano were the only spaces where the noise finally quietened long enough for me to breathe.

That was the moment I understood the power music has to heal and make sense of things - to empower you when words alone aren't enough.

But once the songs were written, I still needed answers.

Real answers. To confirm what I already knew was true.

Study Becomes Clarity

So I dove deep.

Psychology. Attachment theory. Narcissistic abuse. Gaslighting. Psychopathy. All the covert tactics that leave no visible scars but cut deep inside.

And then came the turning point.

I overheard my father call me "Sherlock." Not once - but several times, when he thought I wasn't listening.

It was his quiet confession that I'd finally figured him out.

What he meant as mockery became the moment everything clicked.

It confirmed that I had finally learned enough to see behind the mask he wore to the world.

That realisation became the birth of The Sherlock Principle™ - a three-phase system designed to expose hidden manipulation, break the psychological spell,

and reveal patterns you were never meant to see:

Name It. Shame It. Reclaim It

Name the pattern. Release the shame that was never yours. Reclaim yourself.

Once I cracked the code, I didn't just solve my father's case - I solved my life.

Everything suddenly made sense with crystal clarity.

I became a detective of my own life.

Now I help you do the same.

Why The Relationship Detective Exists

Because binging endless toxic relationship advice and narcissistic abuse content doesn't heal you.

It keeps you stuck in the cortisol loop: analysing them, re-watching trauma, waiting for answers that never come. Scrolling through narcissist-bashing content might feel validating - even like justice.

But it keeps the focus on them. And it takes it away from the one person who matters:

YOU

Real transformation begins when you turn the focus back on yourself.

I Teach Through Four Core Pillars:

Knowledge

To understand exactly what's happening - and why it's happening.

Communication

To speak your truth clearly and be heard without shrinking yourself.

Connection

To surround yourself with people who understand the path you're walking.

Action

To break free from the patterns that kept you trapped - and stay free.

Music is woven throughout — because healing isn't just intellectual, it's emotional.

When you see manipulation clearly, you can't unsee it.

That's the point of The Relationship Detective™: a place where you can make sense of what happened, rebuild who you are, and grow into the person they tried to stop you from becoming.

Their Mission vs. Yours

Their mission was simple:

To keep you small. To keep you stuck. To keep you confused. To keep you dependent.

To stop you from becoming the person you were capable of becoming - the one that would have made them feel inadequate.

My name is Howard Dee. I’m a trauma-informed, certified narcissistic abuse and relationship coach, author, and creator of The Sherlock Principle™.

My mission is simple: I don't want you to spend one more day in the confusion I lived in for decades.

Manipulators are extraordinarily skilled. They've been practising since childhood. You can't outsmart them with ordinary knowledge or logic.

That's where my teaching comes in.

By the time you finish working with me, you'll know more about their tactics than they know about themselves. You'll spot manipulation before it lands. And once you see it, you'll never unsee it.

Your relationships change. Your boundaries change. Your standards change.

You become Unmanipulatable ™

They knew exactly what they were doing.

And now — so do you.

If you're ready to examine your situation more closely, lets open your case:

Not ready yet?